YYOKEFONG: thought post: maybe one day

12 Nov 2015

thought post: maybe one day

Last night I did something I usually would have done (if it was a year or two ago). I took the first step in apologizing to a friend for a friendship that turned the wrong way without knowing how it did. Whether it was me or her that caused it, it didn't matter. What mattered was how long I took to take the first step.

Some people might look to me as somebody strong, but deep inside, I'm emotionally weak when it comes to certain things. Especially when it comes to the people I care a lot about.

Me a year ago would have selflessly apologized immediately after a week (at most) when I realized that things have turned sour. 

But why did I take so long this time round? I've changed (I know I did). From someone that has always done this and thereby being made use of, to someone who protects herself from future emotional scars and bruises. 

I didn't mind putting down my pride and stubbornness in order for something greater to happen (not for me). At the same time, I felt like when I did, people would have misunderstood my pure intentions (I really didn't want to gain anything personal out of it). But what can I say or do? People have their own minds and perspective on everything, I can only say and do so much.

But it made me realize one thing - one day we'll all find out that we didn't truly change, deep down inside, you're still that same old you.

I'm still the same old me, selfless with a heart bigger than I should have, but now with a bigger stubborn edge. Maybe one day I'll find someone who will truly understand me for who I am. 

With love & till next time,

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